All In: The Struggle is Real

All In: this Struggle is Real Transparent parenting. What a great thought. Truth is it's painful. So, I thought I'd share my most recent painful experience. When Kate was born, I had planned on going straight back to work. Within a couple weeks Gary looked at me and asked, "you're not going back to work are you?" And without a verbal answer we knew it would not be easy but that was the best choice for us. That's what we did. We went all in. The pattern of this was "Us." All or nothing. So, four years went by and we added Sam to our crew and went into full time ministry. I listened to my baby cry and feel the pain of leaving her friends behind because beyond her understanding, we went all in. Since then, many times we've rejoiced with her, and again cried with her, but always encouraged her independence in teaching her to be sensitive to the call of the anointing of the Holy Spirit on her life. Well, here's the stinky transparent side of my parenting for the last few weeks. Kate has been leading worship for some time now, so for her to tell me she's going to be leading worship at Camp Hickory Hills this summer wasn't a leap. In fact, it made me ecstatic to watch her soar in her worship - to lead her peers and younger campers into the Throne room! What a rush! I was all in!!! ...no problem. When she told me last Fall that she had a desire to go on a mission trip this Summer, I was all in. She was excited, I was excited. She prepared and packed, I watched and encouraged. She left, I fell apart. Suddenly, this all in thing wasn't such a good idea. For the first time I really had to let her go. It wasn't like when I dropped her off at school and she didn't cry because she missed me.. It wasn't like taking her to church camp for a week and watching her run off with friends instead of telling me bye, no this was the I'm feeling God's calling on my life to serve people. Suddenly, this brave mom realized that the people she would be serving were in Ecuador and not across the state from me. Was I brave? Yes. Was I excited? Yes. Was I scared to death? Yes. Then I realized that "Perfect love casts out fear." Suddenly my fear turned to peace, but I also knew this was a trial run. So, I had to make a decision once again to go all in. This time I felt the pain. All in would mean supporting her no matter where she goes, doing what she is called to do. Memories of my own Youth Mission Team experience flooded back and I promptly called my own mom and apologized for being gone from home do long without so much as a thought of a phone call half way around the world to let her know I was ok... How dare the 18 year old me. So, in my quiet time while she was on her own adventure halfway around the world, I went all in. It was painful and ugly. It was a decision that came with struggle, but I'm certain it will be worth it. To watch and support her as she continues in her journey is my job! It's also my privilege! Trusting God when I have control is easy. Trusting Him when I don't have control is painful. I resolve to live all in once again. I dedicated my life to be my kids parent, and that's what I shall be. All in. ‪#‎bestjobintheworld‬ ‪#‎allin‬ ‪#‎parenting‬